February 2008

What Is Deference?

4 people eating lunch
The best jokes and comeback lines often present themselves right when you have food in your mouth or when someone else is talking. Deference is keeping your mouth closed and letting the moment slip away in order to honor others.

Think first of benefiting others and then of expressing yourself.


What Are You Saying?

middle school boy talking stressfully
 With words, you can build someone up or tear someone down. Take responsibility for what you say, and consider how your words affect others.

  • Do not start or spread rumors. If you are not part of the problem or the solution, do not talk about it.
  • Do not try to build yourself up by putting others down. Do not brag about your accomplishments.
  • If you are upset at a coworker or friend, go directly to the individual, and resolve the problem instead of complaining to others.
  • Inappropriate language demeans you and others. If you are upset, explain yourself without using crude language or curse words.
  • Avoid laughing at jokes that belittle others.

Controlling your speech shows strong character, and strong character leads to success in life.


Take a Stand

very tall tree
A palm tree bends in the wind without losing its grip on the soil. Similarly, deference accommodates the tastes and preferences of others without compromising integrity.

When someone suggests an illegal or immoral activity, a person of deference recognizes his or her responsibility to show good character, even if it means going "against the flow."

Do not let others pressure you to do something you know is wrong. If you have doubts, ask a trusted person for advice.

Evaluate activities in light of good character. "Is this truthful?" "Is this wise?" "Would I mind if everyone knew what I was doing?"

Read the deference bulletin or student guide for more information about deference.


Manners Are Important

kids eating pizza
 Teach your children basic manners so that they can start building good habits today!

  • Chew with your mouth closed. Swallow before talking. Use a napkin, not your sleeve, to wipe your hands and mouth. Do not burp or make other rude noises.
  • Speak politely. Say, "Please," "Thank You," "You're welcome," "Would you like some more?" "Please pass the potatoes."
  • Serve others before you serve yourself.

Character Council - Live Meeting

Picture of IACC Director Steven Menzel
Character Councils can save time and money by scheduling "live meetings" with IACC Director, Steven Menzel.

Internet-conferencing allows you to ask questions, get input, and receive extra training without bringing an IACC representative to your location.

To schedule a meeting with Steven Menzel, e-mail info@charactercities.org or call 405-815-0001 ext 270.